You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
