Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's never too late to be topless.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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