His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize