I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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