A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
