Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
