I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
