It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
