Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dignity is for republicans.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
