You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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