I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
