Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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