I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
