What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
