i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
