when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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