PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
