i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
