i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
