do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he fucked my hip out of place.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
