Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
