I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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