im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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