cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Holy sore nipples Batman
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
