Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
