Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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