i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
