He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
