peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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