You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
