My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
