I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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