I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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