Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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