i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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