FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
