this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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