It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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