wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
