what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
