I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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