Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
