and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
