Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's get the cat blown out
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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