Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
