You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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