My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
