you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
