how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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