so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
