I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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