I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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