i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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