I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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