im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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