you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
