On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
