somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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