so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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