Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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