Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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