it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
