I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize