All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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